Social media provides almost instant gratification. We are used to it and expect it. And that’s nice to an extent. But it’s two dimensional. It’s hard to really know what a person’s tone or mood is, unless they’re like me who tends to be brusque and clipped when I’d prefer to talk rather than type.
Today was one of those days when I wanted to talk to a friend, someone who understands me. But I’m hesitant to reach out because most of my friends have families or other responsibilities. Or I reach out and someone doesn’t want to converse. I’d have to say this has been the way of it for much of my life. I often felt I was always the one to initiate contact and after a while one feels one is being a pest or that the other party maybe doesn’t want to speak with me. Whatever.
Perhaps it’s a downside to living alone. But 99% of the time I have no problem keeping busy and it’s rare for me to feel lonely. I didn’t feel lonely today, just wanted to connect with a friendly voice. I generally speak with the same few people each day. But today I wanted to connect with different folks. What I got was crickets.
Due to the fact I’m not one to be overt, I feel some don’t perceive the subtlety of the way I reach out at times. However, some get it right away and back off. That’s kind of sad, for me anyway.
At these times I turn to music or books. Some of them get how I feel but they don’t talk back. Sometimes you just need someone to listen and respond. I’ve always got a great deal swirling through my head. It’s just the way I am. And there are days that I definitely feel I can’t keep juggling all of the balls. I never drop them, though.
One of my favorite 80s power anthems came to the rescue this evening. I’ve always enjoyed listening to Heart and their song “Alone” has been flipping through my mind:
“I hear the ticking of the clock
I’m lying here the room’s pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone”
Naturally, this song is about desire and relationships but that’s not how I’m looking at it. Just wanted to talk to someone and the feeling of loneliness in the song was akin to my feelings. There you have it, sometimes it’s just simple.
So, when you have some time, let’s chat.